His Airness Michael Jordan

I stepped into this guy's room the other day and he was watching "Michael Jordan: The Greatest," and I was thinking that I need to see more Jordan. I loved this era of the NBA, and I actually miss it. Just watch this video, even if you don't like basketball. This guy isn't playing a game, he's painting a picture. There will never be another like him. Michael Jordan is a complete legend.

R Kelly in the background...you love it.

That's What She Said!

I've been wanting to write about "That's What She Said Day" ever since the celebration on Thursday. First of all, if you know who invented it, please let me know because I will find him and give him a firm handshake. He deserves more than that but I'm afraid that's really all I can offer with complete confidence.

On Thursday, February 15th 2007, we as a community of Americans celebrated "That's What She Said Day" or TWSSD. On this day, it is your duty as a male to comeback with "That's what she said!" to anything that requires some sort of verbal response, regardless of context of sensibility. For example:

Victim: I'm so exhausted
Perpetrator: That's what she said!

This day was perfectly selected to be celebrated on the day after Valentine's Day - so the impact would be much more satisfying to the male gender. However, while that example somewhat made sense, I'd like to share with you my first "hit" of TWSSD:

I was walking to the bathroom after I arose from my slumber to go take a shower. In one of the shower stalls was our ultra-tight-bathroom-cleaner-dude Michael. Michael was working hard and I didn't want to disturb him. I approached and asked him a simple question:

"Hey what stall would you like me to use?"
"Oh, anyone is fine, whichever makes you happy," he replied.

THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. Boo yah, and my first hit was complete. While Michael was incredibly confused and not entirely sure what I had said, I knew in my heart I had won him over.

A couple notable capitalization's that occurred throughout my day:

"Chris Nye, you know you need a workout right now"
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!

"How could you follow that up?"
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!

"I left that ish on your bed"
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!

"The mustard looks weird"
THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!

Oh Yeah. That IS what she said.

Happy February

Grammy's 2007: As If Rick Rubin Didn't Have Enough Cash

Well right before the Grammy's turn the big five-oh we get to watch the music industry celebrate 06 and a little bit of 07. I've got to say that I was actually somewhat surprised. The Grammy's have always been somewhat fair, I guess as fair as you can get with the modern music scene, but there was one thing that really pissed me off tonight.

The Dixie Chicks won five of these little suckers. Five. Here's my huge beef with the Dixie Chicks. They used to be a country band, and a good one at that. They sang cute songs about how woman are better than men and laid down tight harmonies with lush fiddle and banjo licks.

And then they dissed Bush.

And when you're from Texas and singing to the south, you do not, I repeat, DO NOT DISS BUSH. Because of what the Chicks said on a European tour in 2005, their boondock followers said "hell no" to their music. Small towns in Texas even burned their records, and mayors spoke out against their outspoken beliefs against the President and his policies in Iraq.

After their disaster in Brit-land, the Chicks made a public apology. However, it wasn't really true. They said their sorry's to everyone and told them they hope to still perform for them. However the Chicks stated in a Rolling Stone article that they weren't affected by any repercussions of the statement and that they'd keep "doing the Dixie Chick thing" so to speak. But when the stadiums start to turn into auditoriums and the auditoriums start to turn into clubs, well...it's time to light up the Batsignal because we need a hero.

Enter Rick Rubin. The outlandish and daring producer who singlehandedly created the hip fascination with Johnny Cash, and revitalized the careers of people like the Chili Peppers and Aerosmith. The guy can freaking create. His breakthrough moment was coming up with the idea of combining Run DMC and Aerosmith for their smash hit "Walk This Way." Hello? Who the frick do you think you call? Our Batman is Rick Rubin baby!

The Chicks called up Rubin because they needed a new image, thus totally proving that they care about nothing but fame and money. Whoa that was a blanket statement. The Chicks talked about not changing their opinions, and they didn't; but they did in fact change image so that it would conform to their opinions. That means that the Dixie Chicks were lying to us before. They're not just little country girls from down south...they're bleeding heart liberals!

Believe me, I am in no way making a political statement. Everyone's got their opinions. But Chicks, why were you frontin' me? I loved your first album, and your song about a World War II soldier capture my historical heart...but now you're pop stars using formulaic progressions and a banjo pick on your Telecaster. I just want to know who you are! Who are you?!

But you've got to hand it to Rick Rubin. The guy is truly a master in pop music. He hooked up the Dixie Chicks with five Grammy's, and the Red Hot Chili Peppers with four. Not to mention he's got his name all over many other various albums that were honored tonight. He knows what needs to be heard and then produces the crap out of it. My hat tonight it tipped to him, even though I'm not that big of a fan of his projects, he's got one hell of an ear.

* * * *
I must say that tonight was the best group of performers I've seen in any Grammy Awards. By far, the singer-songwriter performance was the best, displaying the fact that the singer-songwriter is not dead (and Stevie Wonder says so!). I'm a sucker for medleys and this one stole my heart for the night.

But I'm still thinking about The Police. What a hot show, but what awkward tension. Oh, well...they busted "Roxanne" badder than ever and I'm so happy they opened the show.

Christina? Thank you. JT? Thank you. All of these performers were tasty and made me happy that the industry is still putting out pretty rad pop musicians...now we just need better and more recognized rock music. Ugh, maybe more on this later...my fingers hurt and you've realized you don't care.

Cheap Thrills

I was sitting outside of Cupcake Royale reading this really crappy book when I heard drunken hollering about thirty yards to my left (yes, I just used yards as a means of measurement, and yes thats because it's Super Bowl Sunday today). The drunken hollering came from two somewhat overweight men that were hobbling on Market street. I began to pay attention as they looked up at the marquee of the theater that was right beside me.

"Pan's Labyrinth dude, I wanna see Pan's Labyrinth," said the first.
"Panties Labyrinth man, I want to see Panties Labyrinth. I like panties," the other said as he trailed off
"Panties dude?"
"Yeah, I like panties a lot," he slobbered.

It was at this point in their in-depth conversation that they were crossing by me pretending to read my book.

"This guy likes panties man watch out!" The one said to me. The other responded eloquently, "I do man, ain't no crime..." I looked up and gave a smile.

Holding in my laughter was the most difficult part of tonight, and probably the best part as well.

This is called cheap thrills children.