Thursday, May 24, 2007

Come on Now!

I am not really sure how this is going to go, but I feel like I owe this blog some attention.

Did you know that some Hong Kong students actually tried to ban the Bible due to its "offensive sexual and violent content?" It was actually quite a fluke after they realized that it was considered a "Holy Book." God bless the HK.

So, after that.

Ali and I were waiting for a bus downtown and ran into this hilarious and somewhat out-of-mind woman named Angie. She was sweet but it was unclear what she was actually up to as she was heading to Desert Sun Tanning at 10 at night...but who am I to say that's shifty? Ali and I got chatting with her and it turned out she actually lived in "the shitty building on 1st and Denny." This is funny because my good buddy John actually lives in the same place. There's no way she lives on the 3rd floor, let alone knows who John is...it's a huge building.

"Yea, the third floor," she said excitedly. "I live right by the stairs."
"No way! My friend John lives in 301!"

I now come to a final conclusion and rest my case that John's place is really really crappy. But that's what makes it so amazing. Wow I wish I had something to write about. The funny thing is I've been out and about exploring now with the weather being nice, but I haven't had anything out of the ordinary happen. I will inform you that I am wearing a red shirt.

Good day!

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

O English Major!


Now that I am no longer an English Literature Major (and I put that in proper form for a reason), I am ready to completely bash the field that I have enjoyed so greatly. Believe me, I would make fun of Bible majors much more than anyone in the English Department, but that would just be hypocrisy in its most simplest form.

So here's my list I've compiled of the many things that I laugh at in my random English lit classes I've taken thus far:

1) English majors have a ridiculous obsession with the characters they read about. In the middle of a novel, the class will be discussing whether they "trust Captain Benwick" or not. The guy is not real. Get the net. These are fictional characters that were made up three hundred years ago. It doesn't really do anyone any good for us to have a little pity party over your feelings towards the actions of King Duncan. I'm sorry you feel as though Anne should have been more forthright with the Admiral, but you'll just have to move on with life.

2) There seems to be "relevance" to every piece printed in scholarly anthologies. We were just discussing "Kubla Kahn," an eighteenth century poem written by Samuel Taylor Coleridge and some of the comments made by the class made me giggle. The author admitted to being hyped up on opium while writing it - he says so in the introduction. But many of our famous classmates had to insist that "the imagery of the cities falling and the women calling for demon-lovers had a pang of resemblance to the political happenings of the time." Opium kids. This is your brain on drugs.

3) They actually believe T.S. Eliot was a poet.

4) English majors love hating on the most established and famous writers of the past. Milton is trash and Wordsworth is simply reckless. Arguments about such people and their value in English literature could be pressed on for days. Days, seriously.

5) Perhaps my biggest complaint about English majors is that they're really just wannabe philosophers. Every English teacher, professor, or Dr. I've ever had has said that they are not like the other English teachers, but that they really like the text. "I'm all about the text," they say admirably, "I don't like random, abstract ideas...give me concrete evidence and then we'll talk." Yeah right. We'll read a short poem or a paragraph from the novel and talk for the rest of the class period on how God could create evil or why we all end up suffering.

That felt good.

The irony in this is that I will actually miss so much in being an English major. The ideas that literature brings to the table and the way they are communicated are so incredibly fascinating. You just have to poke fun at what you love. Plus, my way of dealing with my grief of leaving is through inflicting pain on others. So tearing others down lifts me up...sue me.

Oh, and since I'm no longer an English major, please don't correct my grammar and spelling...I truly do not give two craps about it. Instead, keep me accountable with my morals or my theological ideas. I'm a Bible major now, bitch.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Little Announcement


Well, now that I think about it, it's kind of large. You may think it small, but I'm going through "dem changes," and this seems like an "announcement-worthy" change.

If you have not heard through the grapevine, I will not be attending Seattle Pacific University next year, but instead will be transferring to Portland Oregon to attend Multnomah Bible College and Biblical Seminary. I'll be making this move primarily and basically due to what I believe to be what we Christians have deemed, "God's calling." If you don't understand this, I'd love to talk to you about it sometime.

If you're around my age, you're trying to figure out what to do with who you are. In high school, I figured out who I was (barely), now it's time to figure out what to do with who I am. The Bible and the study of Theology has been an increasing interest of mine. At Multnomah, I'll be getting the training to go into full time ministry work. That means a lot of things and include, but are not limited to: telling people about the real God and his Gospel, working overseas, perhaps teaching the Bible in schools, and basically working to try to change the image Christianity has...which will be difficult. We appear to be a bunch of old white republicans who hate sex. To many we are people who cram religion down throats and love war, we have become massive manipulators of the soul. This hurts me. This is not the Gospel I read.

The only way to change this image is to serve the world that has created it. If enough serve, I'm convinced this world would be a better place. It's all about service. But that's a whole other subject...

I'd really like to talk to you about my decision to move, as it involves much more than I can write here. And if you don't care, well then, it's all good...just smile at me.

Secondly, (yes a second announcement), I'll be working for Rolling Hills Community Church starting this summer and going through the school year. I'll be working full-time this summer and I'm really excited. Rolling Hills is a great place, but like every church or organization, has lots of work to be done. I've seen too many people hurt by churches and I want that to change, especially at Rolling Hills.

Ladies and gentleman let me say it again: I'm not about law, rules, creeds, church, or even religion, I'm about redemption. And the only One to do so or even claim to do so thus far is the person Jesus Christ. I'm all about redemption, and I'll follow the Redeemer until I die...who's with me?*

*The author apologizes for such a boring and arduous announcement. He promises to get better and hopes you don't think of him to be a sap. He really had nothing to write about and thought this would take up some space. While all the previous is totally true, he knows that a fake announcement would bring a lot more laughter, he just thought the truth may be more insightful for once. He knows he was wrong. He wishes to inform you that you, the reader, are a sap.**

**The author has no clue as to what the term, "sap," actually means and apologizes for his arrogance and ignorance.***

***The author has gotten much better at spelling!

Sunday, May 6, 2007

Old Man, Casanova

So there we were. Just the two of us sitting on a bench at Kerry Park. The view of the entire city of Seattle and the Puget Sound was before us like a painting laid out across a museum's wall. We had walked the mile and a half to watch the sun set behind us and reflect off of the Space Needle and the city's water.

There is a motor scooter.

I can't really tell where it is coming from, but I know it's approaching us. I turn my attention away from her to see if we would get in a small fender bender. Scooter. Approaching us is a somewhat overweight older man wearing an over-sized bass fishing shirt. His hat is cocked above his head to the left and his large glasses take up close to three fourths of his face. The cigarette is dangling from his mouth...I swear it is going to fall out...catch it...

He stops.

Ok, look at him. Ah ha.

"Hello dere," he says. Watch the cigarette.

"Hi," we say simultaneously. His gaze turns toward her.

"Well then. What's such a fine lady like yourself doing with such an ugly brat like him." His chuckle takes more energy than it should. Watch that damn cigarette. Before we had time to respond I began laughing uncontrollably, as I often do in circumstances that complete my existence. His exit was the most excellent part of our engagement. He sort of looked around smiling, as though he had won her over. He had though...he really had, that Casanova.

You must understand that I think I have actually prayed about this moment before. I have often thought about being old and the super powers you get. He used his unmatchable superpower of offending anyone younger than him. I mean, you sit there reading this thinking that you would have said something witty, but you really wouldn't...no, you wouldn't.

Because I had a couple remarks in my holster as I have been waiting to be offended by an old person for quite some time. But I can't actually say anything. What am I to say?

"Oh yea, I ask myself that a lot, she does deserve a man on a scooter with maybe 5 years left."

"Yea, I know, she's always wanted me to pick up the whole smoking while scootering thing...I'm just not man enough. I don't got it in me."

"Old man, don't even start with me. She's mine!"

"Alright that's it. You. Me. No scooters - it's GO TIME BITCH!"

But you can't say anything. You can't even do anything. The guy is old, c'mon. Anyone with half a heart isn't going to say anything. The guy is out for a freaking walk...or, scooter. But nonetheless, I can't insult him, all I can do is rejoice in the completion of something I've been waiting for for way too long. God Bless America.